Yolculuk yak\u0131n hissediyorum. Kopup bamba\u015fka yerlere s\u00fcr\u00fcklenece\u011fim. Ait olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m yerlerde ait olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir toplulukta sefil bir hayat s\u00fcrd\u00fcrece\u011fim. Sona yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bildi\u011fim halde can havliyle s\u0131k\u0131ca tutunuyorum dal\u0131ma. Oysa tomurcu\u011fumdan gen\u00e7 bir filize d\u00f6nece\u011fim o g\u00fcn\u00fc hayal etmek ne g\u00fczeldi. Birbirinden heybetli, bi\u00e7imli ellere benzeyen ye\u015filin her tonunda a\u00e7maya nas\u0131l da sab\u0131rs\u0131zlan\u0131yordum. G\u00f6vdem ben heyecandan titredik\u00e7e hafif bir r\u00fczg\u00e2r e\u015fli\u011finde kula\u011f\u0131ma f\u0131s\u0131ldar, sakinle\u015fmem i\u00e7in s\u0131cak nefesiyle y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc usul usul yalard\u0131. Bekle diyordu. Evrenin bir hediyesiydim. Bana bah\u015fedilen do\u011fum an\u0131 herkesin ve her \u015feyin \u00fczerinde var olu\u015fum k\u0131sa bir s\u00fcre sonra ta\u00e7land\u0131r\u0131lacakt\u0131. Buralar\u0131n en s\u00f6z\u00fc dinlenen en sayg\u0131n \u00fcyesi olarak tabiata savurdu\u011fumuz tozlar\u0131m\u0131z ve tohumlar\u0131m\u0131z bir gelin gibi \u00e7i\u00e7eklenmeyi sa\u011flar, d\u00f6ng\u00fc sayemizde yeni ba\u015ftan tamamlan\u0131rd\u0131. B\u00fcy\u00fck bir \u00e7at\u0131rt\u0131 ile tohumumdan uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131mda benim gibi binlerce ya\u015fam da uyanm\u0131\u015f hi\u00e7 acele etmeden kendi h\u0131z\u0131nda narin bir k\u0131z gibi sallan\u0131yordu. Ah ne g\u00fczeldi hayata g\u00f6zlerimi a\u00e7\u0131\u015f\u0131m. \u015eiir gibi duru bir ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7.
\nDallarda hep birlikte ahenkle v\u00fccut bulu\u015fumuz. Muazzam seslere kar\u0131\u015fan hafif h\u0131\u015f\u0131rt\u0131lar. G\u00f6vdemiz gece uykusuna ge\u00e7meden \u00f6nce hep anlat\u0131rd\u0131. En \u00f6nemli, do\u011faya en yarar sa\u011flayan t\u00fcr bizlerdik. As\u0131rlard\u0131r o muhte\u015fem ya\u015fam d\u00f6ng\u00fcs\u00fc sayemizde tamamlan\u0131rd\u0131. Elbet ba\u015fka a\u011fa\u00e7lar da vard\u0131 varolu\u015fa katk\u0131 sunan ama biz ba\u015fkayd\u0131k. Suya, havaya can katmak bizim i\u015fimizdi. Kocaman bir eli hat\u0131rlatan yapraklar\u0131m\u0131z mevsimler boyunca o g\u00f6rkemli duru\u015fuyla di\u011ferlerinden \u00e7abucak ay\u0131rt edilirdi. Tam d\u00f6rt yaz d\u00f6rt k\u0131\u015f bu dalda ya\u015fad\u0131m. D\u00fc\u015fen, savrulan arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 akl\u0131ma getirmeden inatla beni besleyen ve hayat veren can damar\u0131ma tutundum. Geceleri gitme vaktini f\u0131s\u0131ldayan sesler artt\u0131k\u00e7a daha da s\u0131k\u0131 tutundum. Yere d\u00fc\u015femezdim. Orada \u00f6teki s\u0131radan yapraklarla \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcmek asil varl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma yak\u0131\u015fan bir son olmazd\u0131. As\u0131rl\u0131k \u00e7\u0131nar\u0131 olu\u015fturan nadide par\u00e7alard\u0131k. Sonum kesinlikle bu olmamal\u0131yd\u0131.
\nDirendim. Yaprak y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131na kar\u0131\u015fmak, kaybolmak en k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fc de bizden ba\u015fka alelade a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n yapraklar\u0131 aras\u0131nda \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcmek d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi bile beni deli ediyordu. T\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fcze ait m\u00fczi\u011fi, g\u00f6vdenin anlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 gece \u00f6yk\u00fclerini bir daha duyamayacak olma endi\u015fesi ile titriyordum. Nihayet sonbahar r\u00fczg\u00e2rlar\u0131 ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda dallar\u0131 birer birer terk eden arkada\u015flar\u0131m d\u00f6rt bir yana savruldu. Daha s\u0131k a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 bakar oldum. O korkun\u00e7 an geldi\u011finde en az\u0131ndan kendi \u00f6z\u00fcme sahip \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p g\u00f6vdemin etraf\u0131na d\u00fc\u015fmeli ve yabanc\u0131 a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n yapraklar\u0131ndan uzakta yeniden topra\u011fa, kendi \u00f6z\u00fcme kar\u0131\u015fmal\u0131yd\u0131m. A\u011fa\u00e7ta tek yaprak kald\u0131\u011f\u0131mda g\u00f6vde art\u0131k benimle konu\u015fmuyordu. Vakit gelmi\u015fti demek. Derin bir sessizlik i\u00e7inde yeniden tomurcuklanaca\u011f\u0131 ana haz\u0131rlan\u0131yordu. Ne yalan s\u00f6yleyeyim daha fazla tutunacak halim de kalmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. G\u00fcc\u00fcm t\u00fckenip tam da kendimi a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 do\u011fru hafif\u00e7e b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m anda bir ani bahar r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131 beni al\u0131p g\u00f6vdemden \u00e7ok uzaklara savurdu savurdu… Al\u0131n morun ye\u015filin her tonunu bar\u0131nd\u0131ran bir yaprak y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131na d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. U\u011fultu h\u00fccrelerimi titretti. Seslerine kendimi kapatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m her a\u011fac\u0131n yapra\u011f\u0131 ile derin reng\u00e2renk bir y\u0131\u011f\u0131nda yapayaln\u0131z kald\u0131m. Titremelerim ge\u00e7ip bir anl\u0131k da olsa etraf\u0131ma bakmak i\u00e7in cesaretimi toplad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda ard\u0131\u00e7, sedir, ladin ve daha bir s\u00fcr\u00fc t\u00fcrden yaprakla \u00e7evriliydim. Her birinin farkl\u0131, g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcl\u00fc sesi dinledik\u00e7e duru bir melodiye d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. U\u011fultu zamanla kendini huzurlu bir m\u00fczi\u011fe b\u0131rakt\u0131. \u0130rkildim. \u00d6tekilerin b\u00f6yle renkli notalar \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hi\u00e7 bilmezdim. Bense bu ana kadar hep ayn\u0131 makamda tek bir \u015fark\u0131y\u0131 dinlemi\u015ftim. Tekrar topraktan g\u00f6vdede hayat bulaca\u011f\u0131m o b\u00fcy\u00fcl\u00fc ana kadar hep bir a\u011f\u0131zdan s\u00f6ylenen \u015fark\u0131ya e\u015flik ettim. Bu harikulade renkli kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inde g\u00f6zlerimi huzur i\u00e7inde son kez kapatt\u0131m<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yolculuk yak\u0131n hissediyorum. Kopup bamba\u015fka yerlere s\u00fcr\u00fcklenece\u011fim. Ait olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m yerlerde ait olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir toplulukta sefil bir hayat s\u00fcrd\u00fcrece\u011fim. Sona yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bildi\u011fim halde can havliyle s\u0131k\u0131ca tutunuyorum dal\u0131ma. Oysa tomurcu\u011fumdan gen\u00e7 bir filize d\u00f6nece\u011fim o g\u00fcn\u00fc ...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[57],"tags":[54,53],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/arzukupsar.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/arzukupsar.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/arzukupsar.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arzukupsar.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arzukupsar.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=138"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/arzukupsar.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":139,"href":"https:\/\/arzukupsar.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138\/revisions\/139"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/arzukupsar.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=138"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arzukupsar.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=138"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arzukupsar.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=138"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}